Best of luck but you dont need it; you got this. Thank you MMM for this very important post. I also mention Facebook because some of my more active meetup groups are also there. Proceed with extreme caution is my advice. The process was handled as if it were a way to punish someone (me). From the outside, it looked like a well-working marriage. In my experience, of folks in my extended family, the hurt and anger turns the kid into a pawn to hurt the other parent. I wish you continued success and look forward to more inspirational posts. Your approach is similar to how my European friends handle these situations down to earth and practical-minded with no shame. Its KBB is about $3500. As someone who has been married for 23 years with 2 teenagers, I understand the ups and downs of a relationship and family. Join a Permaculture community. Pete Adeney, aka Mr Money Mustache "As fluctuations continue over the time and you continue to invest, you get the average price as time goes on," he adds. For more casual sampling, have a look at this complete list of all posts since the beginning of time or download the mobile app. He was declared innocent by a unanimous / universal . Divorce is tough. I dont feel that I have any immediate risks with my marriage but I have to ask myself why I have put so little effort into improving this critical part of my life. Loving the new YouTube channel, Ive missed the MMM one liners like We call this the oil well pants. Im not going to sit here and pretend that there werent plenty of harsh moments for both of us, both before and during this experience, with plenty more still to come. The decision was easy, but the process and action was insanely difficult. Feel free to share your own experiences and hopes and fears anonymously. The dating pool for 40 plus people is actually a wonderful place, as long as you live in an area with your own type of people (for me this is educated, oudoorsy professional types preferably a bit quirky and artsy and nerdy as well). Mr. Money Mustache retired in his early thirties and has recently emerged as one of the most inspiring personal finance authors in cyberspace. I was still angry but was tempered by her methodical thought process. Also, a contentious divorce could deplete your savings significantly. Everyone looks at the divorce rate, but nobody looks at the happily married rate when talking about marriages. Although I chose to buy a house, nobody had to compromise on quality of life or sell the expensive family house. but divorce is hard and economically its often devastating so Im pleased its a topic on here, even if there are not many divorcing couples who will find themselves in similar financial circumstances. On top of all that Im not allowed to leave the US (kids were born here), where I had never worked before and without any family. As an adult who has moved a lot while single, introverted and secular, this is a big hurdle. Sure, you want to see some earnings. We can choose to focus on how unfair the situation is, how we were right and we tried our best and the world still mistreated us. 4. My car is the cheapest reliable car I can find (2007 Pontiac G6 w/V6 engine). As one friend puts it, Being a divorced coparent is like being the co-owner of a business. Hey MMM. I look forward to reading your future post regarding continued growth. 3. Its so weird to receive this post the day before my financial freedom starts and yet how perfect the advice is. I have spent eight years recovering financially from a messy separation. Some great video on YouTube of the two of them performing acoustically. I know this is unlikely but Im fine with never read that blog again. Mr. MM, So if you havent already heard through the rumor mill, the former Mrs. Money Mustache and I are no longer married. Given how long things had been sliding in my marriage it surprised me that in a very short period of time (no affairs) it was like a switch was flipped and I knew there was nothing left in me that wanted the relationship to continue. The opportunity cost of fighting is way too high in these situations. The Money Mustache Community . Toggle navigation. Life continues to get better as time passes. It can be done. Anonymous I am trying to reconcile the difference and determine what to use in my calculations. Thanks for your words and all the best! December 31, 2018, 6:35 pm. As a long-time reader said to me in a recent email as we discussed our shared fate, having a solid financial cushion and low expenses and lifestyle flexibility, has made the best of an otherwise difficult situation especially in not having to disrupt the lives of our kids. December 31, 2018, 5:44 pm. It is truly a life changing website and I cannot thank MMM enough! It started something wonderful and snowballed into more success and satisfaction than I couldve imagined. If this blog post inspires some to put the work into their relationship then thats great because I found that there came a point where it was just too late. . Emotions get heavy in these situations. From personal experience I have found the media to be uncivil and just downright cruel. I was rooting for you two. Because sometimes life just serves up a shit salad and we dont have a choice in the matter, but wealwayshave a choice of how to respond to it. I would still be living the most anti-mustachian life possible, full of drunkeness, cigarettes, and loads of credit card debit (and of course no salads, barbells, or bicycles the MMM TRIFECTA). He and his former wife worked for some time in the standard tech industry, then took retirement and have established themselves to be the most successful bloggers. So aim to survive. Oh, and if anyone is thinking of driving for Uber or Lyftt, make sure you have a good tip box. The downfalls of our own relationship are personal and not something we choose to make public, but youve heard it all before anyway. Mr. Smith represents a threat / battle / death to society. And most notably from the perspective of early retirement and financial independence, havingenoughmoney in advance has made this part of the split much less painful. I definitely am not willing to be in one just so there is someone to take care of me if Im old and sick (or conversely, I get stuck taking care of someone else after being in an unhappy marriage no to that). I really wish you the best of luck and wisdom. Hooray for grownup single life! Even Mr. Money Mustache and JD Roth (Get Rich Slowly) got divorced. Thank you. We spent whatever we wanted, we just happened to have finite desires. It isn't all sunshine and roses like we make it seem. Hang in there and thanks for sharing this. Its an unhealthy mindset but I was young and stupid. December 31, 2018, 6:41 pm. All the best to anyone else going through this scenario, especially with kids. It took four years off my sentence. Okay that was a dark plan. I had no idea until I met up with Carl (Mr. 1500) at the MMM HQ last month and he mentioned it. My income ranges from $15(very slow monday)-$80(very busy Saturday night) with the average hovering around $25-30. Life is short. As all my previous relationships lasted no more than 2 years. Focusing on the silver linings in life is something that I need to improve at, and this example can serve me well as a model. You or your loved ones will get sick and some of them will die. The FIRE group also has some other meetings like game nights in addition to their monthly meeting. Women may work when they need to or want to. All the best! It's a comfortable space that allows for both family living and entertaining. Sounds like you all done good. (No surprise to anyone.) I wish (the former) Mrs. Money Mustache well! Sammykins Spark-youth 10-week career mentorship program There are better ways, which I need to work on. Here are some of the reasons I've heard why MMM probably got a divorce: 1) Guilt and conflict. 3.5 years in, Im still a work in progress but know that Im okay and can enjoy life, and experience joy. December 31, 2018, 5:27 pm. Thank you so much for sharing this post MMM! Divorce - The cost of living is a little higher when you're single. I have flicked to this site over the years but not read in depth. Keep on keepin on. A friend That s right, my friend is a well connected Chengdu Tong.He also told me some other interesting things.What Wei Renwu spread his hands, pretending to be innocent and said Shouldn t you invite me in first to sit down and talk Shu Xin smiled and said, Mr.Wei is right, please come in.Shu . This performs a vital function in my life because although I have good friends I have no friends who I feel I could discuss my emotions with in a way that would be helpful (this is what happens when you grow up mailed in our society). NIGHT'S BLACK AGENTSDIRECTOR'S HANDBOOKkenneth hite gareth ryder-hanrahanby and night's black agentsdirector's. My own breakup 22 years ago was incredibly emotionally and financially difficult. Im so sorry to hear about this. Mr. Money Mustache So that's the bad news. It doesnt cost much, gets you out into nature, and introduces you to others with similar interests. Your son is very lucky to have two parents who found a way to reasonably and fairly amicable way to end their marriage and preserve as much normalcy as possible. The good thing for introverts, we need something to do while communicating with others. He actually spends a lot more money each year than he tells everyone, but in order to keep up with his image and cult of followers, he continues to say they live on little. Add to that a divorce where I left with nothing, as I don't believe in spousal support ( I know). Our financial planner had me working until age 68 (2022) I ran the numbers again with the tools and common sense you provided. Best wishes to you MMM. Then we retired from real work way back in 2005 in order to start a family. As I am reading your post, I admire your strength to keep it cool through this tough process. The flipside of all this is that many, many people are currently married, who should not be and dont want to be. Ive already downsized my home to something half in value and Im hatcheting expenses like a Halloween psycho! Improving ourselves through better habits and health. MMM says that a 5% withdrawal rate will last 50+ years. Like most financial advisors, Mr. Money Mustache encourages investors to grow their wealth with total market or S&P 500 passive index funds. I have been rereading your blog to see how I can keep my head above water. On a sunny September morning in downtown Longmont, Colo., 80 or so people are packed into the Mr. Money Mustache headquarters. These are well written sentiments about divorce and the handling the process and the aftermath. Your statement that even the harshest moments come with a little golden key taped secretly onto their side rings true. Both you and (the former) Mrs. Money Mustache have achieved much financial prosperity and going forward, will still be able to prosper. So thank you for being aware of this and my hope is your experience will be a positive tool for everyone. February 4, 2019, 1:11 pm. It has been a hard year. Living 2.5 minutes away by bike is a pretty close distance! I can totally understand what you went through. I liked how she put it best I was happy for 25 years but the 26th year was awful. MMMlifestyle Having seen the documentary, Divorce, Inc. Im very happy you are settling this amicably and without spending the average 40K plus as expected. Anonymous, Unbeknownst to either she found out by accident. Two great people, why would they divorce? My advice for anyone going through this Maybe so. Skip-the-Hyperbole I didnt want to be that loser guy. I hope others read your blog and are encouraged towards finding their own amicable ending to relationships if needed. Every human needs and deserves to be accepted and loved even the people who drive us crazy and even those who treat us poorly. I think you have the exact right approach and for right reasons. But the more conflict you have with that ex, the harder it is to cooperate, which leads to a worse experience for everyone especially your children. Happy New Year. Marriage is a compromise, to be sure, but your starting assumptions are simply not factual. The answer is NO. I hope you keep sharing your experiences. MMM, man I grieve with you at the ending of your marriage. September 27, 1961. Yes, if you get in that 22% (or whatever it is precisely) you are super glad. January 2, 2019, 10:32 pm. Surviving is the most important thing when you are in a crisis and are getting emotional. I will look into the Love Languages book, thanks for the recommendation. Therefore, it was shameful for Mrs. Money Mustache too. And for those being nagged: you cannotignorethe requests of your partner for years, and expectthemto forgive you for that either. I wish you nothing but the best in 2019 and appreciate every blog post you gift to us. And because I continue to enjoy writing and working, my income may continue to stay high through this next stage of my life. I wish you both happiness in the coming years. I wrote that down and changed my perspective of the situation. I think they help a ton of people. Choosing to leave the work force for whatever reason is at least a bit easier for women, relative to men. MMM, (I explain this to my friends before they get married.). Also enjoyed how you are all focused on growth for the future, whatever shape that takes. ), read books, laugh, cry, learn mindfulness and meditation, eat salads, get outside and exercise, write more new things and build new things and new businesses and new relationships, and you will come through it better than ever. So anyway, what I wanted to say is that I came across your funny and enlightening Blog and I could see a way out my mess, Im older but I can still apply the FIRE plan and retire well at normal retirement age but I can try and make it happen in 5-10 years, thats what really has me super focused now. That cant be easy to do with some people being what they are. Or sustainable living community. Thanks for sharing and giving your perspective. Man, I feel sad. Mr. Money Mustache Robert Anson Heinlein (/ h a n l a n /; July 7, 1907 - May 8, 1988) was an American science fiction author, aeronautical engineer, and naval officer.Sometimes called the "dean of science fiction writers", he was among the first to emphasize scientific accuracy in his fiction, and was thus a pioneer of the subgenre of hard science fiction.His published works, both fiction and non . Twopupsonacouch December 31, 2018, 6:36 pm. Mr. and Mrs. Stevens first made the trip to Bognor Regis on their honeymoon, and the tradition has continued ever since. December 31, 2018, 7:31 pm. Junior Achievement morning shifts from about 8a-2pm at local schools or at JA Finance park Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. look for your local community action agency), get as much as possible for free (get kids clothes from Buy Nothing Group on Facebook, ask friends to give you hand me down clothes for kids), etc. There are discussion groups, people who like to cook, board games, running, hiking, etc. The effects are cumulative like erosion, not temporary like moods or weather. Your choice to focus on the positive is very admirable Ive had to learn the hard way that cherishing both the good and bad in life is the only way to live in the present and to value future opportunities, Michael Peterson Just Stop Spending Seth If I was as strict as he was, I'd definitely be divorced by now. December 31, 2018, 5:47 pm, Ironic that you posted this today I was divorced five years ago on 12 31 2013. This is a very personal matter between you, (the former) Mrs. Money Mustache and your family. And even then, our human nature will keep pulling us back and well make mistakes. I am hoping to start the Moustache journey tomorrow. I would even contact their governing body if they really do exaggerate or sensationalize the details of your life event. 571 talking about this. I like your advice heck where were u when I divorced 25 yrs ago. But guess what? But I just wanted to remind you that a pessimistic attitude like that is very self-fulfilling, especially in the area of finding future love. Do I love my wife and is she an overall wonderful human being? Therefore, there is about a 22% chance of being in a happy marriage. Sometimes people just grow apart over the decades and no matter how much they work at the relationship, find that they want different things from life. Thank you for everything you do MMM. I call my ex-spouse the Best ExHusband Ever and we are good friends, still have fun together, sharing holidays and family events, and take great care of our son. Joey manages to get the trained chimp on "The Tonight Show" with Jack Paar. Seriously though I hope they get through this ok. Why are divorce attorneys so expensive? Mr. Money Mustache. And we can fight back, chasing the unfair person or company or situation and getrevenge. January 1, 2019, 1:54 pm, I read a research paper back in the days, that your in love faze just lasts for 4 years before it begins to fade away. Ignore them if you can or shut them down. May as well play hard, and be kind. Life throws some curveballs alright and although Ive been fortunate in the marriage space, being married for 29 years, Ive definitely had a few beanballs thrown my way in other areas. Thank you for sharing this. Planning to visit Longmont someday and get to say thank you in person. This was so sad to read, but thanks for your honesty and openness MMM. I can tell you from experience that even under the best of circumstances a divorce is emotionally very difficult. At this age, people have mellowed and learned from their past relationships and are moving on to a new free stage of life since our kids (if any) are growing up. My costs for gas are around $5-6/hour. Robinson One thing that I think we did well is that no matter what the communication was between the ex and me, it did not affect our communication about the kids. For what its worth to you and this community, I went through this and now, 9 years later, I have nothing but gratitude for my former partner and mother of our teenaged son (he was 4 at the time). Kids will have plenty of trouble on their long road to adulthood if they even make it. You continue to be a role model to me. December 31, 2018, 5:51 pm. Anyway, I agree with what youve said. This was not my experience and it is my hope for those who are currently going through the initial stages of this process, or are years past the initial event and are still healing, to continue to let time work its mystical magic. You two show so much maturity in handling this, I can only hope I grow up to be someone like that. 3) Do you think marriage as an institution is still valid in this 21st-century society? Next thing you know, you will land a corporate job! I found your writings during a personal abyss some years ago in my mid-20s and you really helped me. [1] Adeney retired from his job as a software engineer in 2005 at age 30 by spending only a small percentage of his annual salary and consistently investing the remainder, primarily in stock market index funds. Anonymous 55 end in divorce. SwordGuy Mr. Money Mustache Divorce Blog Post Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free! In fact, when rumour of our separation got out, multiple gossipy and negative and downright distasteful discussions formed around the Internet on Reddit, other bloggers websites, even right here on my own forum. If you have any additional tips for me I would be most grateful. Youth Business Alliance-youth training program for businesses Nice info !!! Much like all things in life, theres an ebb and a flow to post-divorce life. I decided to keep improving my chances of a better paying job and decided to go to university. Since I have no SS, pension or retirement I basically decided to myself that my retirement plan would be a self induced deadly accident. Hey Alana, Woah! Jacob (Early Retirement . Consider volunteering your time in/with/for a group that either supports your goals or has people similar to you. Because I enjoy moderate living for its own sake, my own cost of living will go way down. Take a look in the mirra, ya dirty rat bastids! Thats what Ill be up to in 2019. Today I celebrate 17 years with the second Mrs. F. Change is inevitable, what we choose to do with it is our own. December 31, 2018, 5:44 pm. Daniele. One of the best things you did was move down the street from your child. And no, there were no frugality issues because earning and accumulating money was always extremely easy for us. It is proof that the core tenets of Mustachianism really are universal, and truly lead to greater lifetime happiness. This may be a time to get a housemate, get assistance at your local food pantry, apply for any programs associated with low income households (utilities will lower your monthly bill, you may get some heating assistance, etc. December 31, 2018, 6:03 pm. No.-000125-000125 / 2021, 2021 Latest Caselaw 65 SC Sorry to hear and youve definitely provided some good advice. It was just time to do things separately. Im reminded of a refrain from an old Dave Mason song there aint no good guy, there aint no bad guy theres only you and me and we just disagree. Good luck to all of you. Mr. Been There worked through the do-it-yourself paperwork and paid a $265 fee to the county court for the divorce. Pete Adeney, the man behind the blog . You may want to post a case study on the forum with all the numbers and this community will rally around to give you their specific thoughts. Been single now for a loooong time. I wish you well! No judgment here. Because they are worth it. Ray Singer, Dick Chevillat. A fellow Canuck. You are in crisis, so I think you need to take baby steps and ask everyone in your circle to help. The number 1 reason FIRE made so much sense to us was our desire to spend so much time together. And burn yearson reliving the past, with a mixture of regret and vengeful self-righteousness and self-pity. So I have already placed a number of holds on the 5 Languages of Love, which looks to be quite the franchise. December 31, 2018, 6:15 pm. I found that my attempts at rebuilding the marriage were never really a priority until I finally said I wanted to divorce and by then nothing was salvageable.